


Carrot Cake

by anephemeralmind



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: Asexual Character, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 19:02:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21020711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anephemeralmind/pseuds/anephemeralmind
Summary: Timmy had always known, even back when he didn't know the word or the definition of it, but he’d never really given it that much thought. It was just another fact about himself that he couldn’t change.





	Carrot Cake

**Author's Note:**

> For the lovely anon on tumblr who asked for an asexual!Timmy fic ❤️

Timmy had always known, even back when he didn't know the word or the definition of it, but he’d never really given it _that_ much thought. It was just another fact about himself that he couldn’t change, like how his hair was brown and his eyes were mostly green. Or more accurately, he’d only realized it was something that made him _different_ when he reached puberty and all his friends started talking about sex, and he just… Didn’t care.

It wasn’t something he wanted, if anything it all sounded a little gross to him, and why people would spend all day thinking about or craving something like that, he couldn’t even begin to tell you.

He tried the dating thing, but when the time came where his partners started expecting sex, he never knew what to say without making it sound like something was wrong with them, or him. And then it always got super awkward, and things usually ended pretty quickly after that.

It wasn’t until he was 18, and his girlfriend at the time asked him really nicely, after he’d fumbled out an awkward response to why he didn’t want to sleep with her that night, if he’d ever given any thought to the possibility of being asexual.

She’d been really sweet about it, showing him some research she’d read when it became obvious that he had absolutely no clue what she was even talking about. The more he scrolled through the article, the faster his heart started beating, because he could recognize himself in most of it – not all of it, naturally, but then every person was different, so he wouldn’t have expected it all to fit him even if he’d worked it out for himself before looking it up.

His girlfriend broke up with him that same night, mostly because he was too busy crying his eyes out to be able to break up with her first. She still stayed with him through the night, and made sure he knew that he could always count on her, and that the only thing that would change, was that they were no longer boyfriend/girlfriend – they would still stay friends.

And for a while, they did. But then she got a job in Los Angeles, and slowly but surely, they grew apart. 

Even though they no longer spoke, he would forever be grateful to her, because without her, he wasn’t sure how long it would take him to work himself out.

He didn’t tell that many people, mostly because he didn’t feel like it was anyone’s business. He told his parents, because they kept asking him about his dating life, and it was easier to say it straight out – he was asexual – than to try and explain that he wasn’t really sure if a relationship would ever happen for him, because who would want to be with him when he didn’t want to have sex?

His friends thought he was joking at first, but when he explained it further, they got really quiet and then Will had hummed, given him a pat on the back, and said “Yeah, you know what? That makes sense actually.”

Giullian had taken it a little harder. He didn’t say a word, and left Will and Timmy in the living room, as he stepped out onto the balcony for a smoke. Will kept trying to reassure him that it didn’t mean anything, that Giullian often did need some time to get his thoughts in order, but Timmy knew he was full of shit.

He wasn’t expecting Giullian to be crying when he came back in, and he wasn’t expecting the full body hug either. “I’m so sorry.” Giullian had sniffed out, “If I ever made you uncomfortable talking about sex, I… I’m just really sorry.”

He’d calmed down a little when Timmy told him that just because he was asexual it didn’t mean he minded when other people talked about it, it just meant that he didn’t want to _have_ it. Sure, he couldn’t really relate when they talked about how they wanted to bang every girl that looked their way, but then you didn’t really need to be asexual to not be able to relate to that – you just needed to have taste.

Will had cackled loudly when Timmy said that, and Giullian just shook his head, and that was it. Everything was back to normal. For the most part. They did seem to try to be less graphic with their sex talk after Timmy’s confession, which he appreciated, because to be honest, it could get quite gross at times.

He didn’t really need to know about their girlfriends blowjob techniques, or how much come they could swallow. So the fact that he no longer had to? Yeah, he should have told them ages ago.

They obviously tried really hard to be respectful, but they also asked him some really weird questions, but Timmy didn’t really mind, if anything, he liked that his friends were trying to understand him.

When they asked how he felt about seeing sex scenes on TV, the answer was easy, it was always awkward, asexual or not. Reading about it in books? It could actually be really lovely, didn’t mean he suddenly wanted to do it, but it could still be nice.

It wasn’t like sex repulsed him or anything, he still got hard and jerked off sometimes, it just wasn’t something he felt like he necessarily _needed_. If anything, it was kinda like carrot cake, it smelled good, and it _was_ cake – but he’d never in his life ever gone; you know what I want right now? _Carrot cake_.

Then he met Armie.

Armie took him by surprise, not because he looked at him and finally thought “Yeah, I could fuck him.” because he didn’t. But he could definitely see that Armie was good looking, there was no doubt about that, he was very _very_ good looking.

No, what surprised him about Armie, was how _comfortable_ he was faking intimacy with him.

Normally, the filming of sex scenes were his least favorite part, because he had no fucking clue what he was supposed to do – his body just didn’t know what sexual attraction was, he had no experience to draw on, so he usually fumbled his way through them and prayed to whomever that it would be over as soon as possible.

But with Armie… He felt safe, he felt comfortable, and Armie was such a good actor that he even felt _wanted_. And surprisingly, he was really into it.

He really liked Armie, loved spending time with him, loved the way his heart would skip a beat whenever they made eye contact, loved the way Armie’s eyes would crinkle at the sides whenever Timmy made him laugh, and he loved that he seemed to be the only person that Armie smiled that widely for.

He just… He _loved_ Armie, it didn’t really take a genius to work that out, and it did sometimes seem like Armie loved him too. Only real problem? Armie was married.

Going back to New York after spending the summer in Italy was like the worst cold shower in the world, and he spent about a month trying to shake off the depression he could feel sneaking up on him. He sort of managed, but also not.

When Armie invited him to stay at his house when he was filming for Beautiful Boy, he considered saying no for a whole three seconds, before accepting. He’d thought getting to see Armie with his family would make it easier to get over him, but he was wrong. It just made him love him more.

The press tour for their movie was like sweet, sweet torture. Because he got to spend _so much_ time with Armie, without his wife present, and when they were talking about being in love, it was a little too difficult at times for Timmy to remember that it was Elio and Oliver they were talking about, and not Timmy and Armie.

Then came Rome, and everything came to a head in the most unexpected way possible.

Timmy never expected that he’d get to kiss Armie again, and he definitely never imagined ever having sex with him. But after talking Armie down from the edge, and convincing him to not give up on the rest of their tour, to not give up on_ them_, when Armie pulled him in for a kiss – Timmy just let himself go.

Afterwards, when they were coming down from their orgasms, and Armie’s fingers were playing with his hair, Timmy couldn’t stop himself from letting out a little hum.

“So that’s what that’s like.”

Armie softly kisses his cheek and lets out a questioning sound, so Timmy turns to look at him, a small smile on his face. “I probably should have said it earlier, but, I’ve never done this before.”

When Armie’s eyes widen, and his body goes tense, Timmy quickly shakes his head, and reaches out for Armie’s hand and laces their fingers together. “No, please, don’t freak out, just listen to me, okay?”

Armie nods, and when Timmy feels him relax against him again, he smiles and leans it to press a soft kiss to Armie’s shoulder. “I don’t want you to think that you took anything from me, okay? It wasn’t like I was saving myself or anything.”

Timmy pushes himself up to a seated position, leaning against the headboard and smiling over at Armie as he copies him. “I just, I never wanted to do this with anyone else.” Timmy shrugs, and while he thought it was quite a good explanation, it just made the frown on Armie’s face deepen.

“But, why?” Armie asks, reaching out for Timmy’s hand, stroking the back of his hand with him thumb. “I don’t think… I don’t really get it?”

With a soft smile, Timmy cups Armie’s cheek and leans in for a quick kiss. “I probably should have said this before too, but, I’m asexual?”

“Oh.” Armie breathes out, and Timmy could see several emotions flash across his face, but they were all gone too fast for him to really catch any of them. “But. I mean, we just… Did you do that just for me?” Armie looks a little confused, but also really worried, and Timmy quickly shakes his head to reassure him.

“No. Not really.” Timmy frowns a little to himself, looking around the room, as if he was literally looking for the right words to explain all this. “I don’t necessarily think we did it for the same reasons? But I wanted to, please don’t doubt that.”

Armie still looks confused, and asks quietly, “What do you mean, different reasons? Do you not…”

Timmy leans in and silences Armie with a kiss, reaching for his hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “It’s – It’s kinda hard to explain? But, I didn’t do this because I wanted to _fuck_ you. I did it because I wanted to be close to you.” With a soft smile, Timmy looks up at Armie from under his eyelashes. “I really liked making you feel good, I loved kissing you through it, and making you come? I _really_ loved that.”

“But-” Armie starts, but Timmy immediately cuts him off with a shake of his head.

“No, no buts. I might not want sex for the same reasons you do, but the intimacy of it? I wouldn’t want to be without that.” Armie breathes out a little sigh of relief, and Timmy can’t help but raise an eyebrow in question.

“I just, I never want to force you into anything.” Armie whispers, looking down at his duvet covered lap, picking at the non existent loose threads in the fabric.

“You’re not.” Timmy promises, taking Armie’s chin between his thumb and index finger, tipping his head back to look into his eyes. “I’m not some swooning damsel in distress or anything, if I didn’t want to sleep with you, I would have stopped you.”

“Good.” Armie smiles, leaning in and softly kissing Timmy’s lips. “Just, please promise me you’ll always let me know when you’re not up for it. I don’t… I don’t want you to feel like you _have_ to put out to keep me around, you know?” Timmy feels his heart skip a beat at Armie’s sincerity, and he almost finds himself tearing up. “I mean, even if you never want to do this again, it’s fine. I just want to be with you, because you make me happy, and I love who I am when I’m with you. So please, don’t break your boundaries for me.”

Helpless to stop a couple of tears from rolling down his cheeks, Timmy doesn’t understand how he got this lucky. How could he go from thinking he was going to be alone for the rest of his life, that no one would ever understand him, or _want_ to understand him, and now here was Armie.

Saying that not only did he understand him, he even respected him, and didn’t want him to change. He didn’t want Timmy to adapt to him, he wanted to adapt to_ Timmy_, and that meant so much more than Timmy thought it would.

He knew right then and there that this was _it_ for him. He was never gonna feel like this about anyone else, there was only ever going to be Armie for him.

Pulling Armie in for a kiss, Timmy can’t stop smiling. “I think I love you.” He breathes out against Armie’s lips, feeling him chuckle as he tugs at the curls at the back of Timmy’s head.

When he pulls back to look at Armie, after having kissed him several more times, just because he could, Timmy finds Armie smiling wider than he’s ever seen him smile before — the beautiful eye crinkles very much on show — and Timmy’s heart is beating so fast it’s in real danger of giving out.

“I love you, too.” Armie whispers, leaning in and kissing him again. “I really, really do.”

**Author's Note:**

> Right, first things first, no I'm not asexual, so naturally I'm not going to completely _get_ how it actually feels, and I might have accidentally fucked some things up, and I apologize for that, but I tried my best. I even had my asexual friend read it over for me, just in case, but they didn't really have anything to add, so idk if that's good or bad hahaha. 
> 
> Also, no matter what society today seems to tell you, sex is not the be all end all of relationships. Intimacy is more than sex, and tbh, intimacy is far more important. 
> 
> Also also, sorry for all the people who _love_ carrot cake. It's cake, but it's... Eh.
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed this ❤️
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr if you wanna @anephemeralmind over there too!


End file.
